Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
