my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
