is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
