Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
