Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
