I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
