Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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