I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
