Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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