my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
