He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
