dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
