all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
