Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My pussy is not your playground.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
