I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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