We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
