I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
