well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
