Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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