I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
birth control should be required to get into college
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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