You can't special order awesome
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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