i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
