Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
