he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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