I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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