guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
