On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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