I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
