I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
