I think my fart just growled at me.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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