I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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