Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
