I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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