I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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