I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
