I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
