Life is so much better after having sex.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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