Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
