And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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