is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
