i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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