I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
