Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
