Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
