I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I love black thongs
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
