You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
