TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
