So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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