During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I have post one night stand depression
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
