At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you win again, gameday.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
