I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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