Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
