Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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