oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
