Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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